


Aoife: Letters

by Tress13



Series: Aoife Verd Stories [4]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons - All Media Types
Genre: Depression, Epistolary, Letters, Multi, homebrew/ CoS mix, self hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-12-28 00:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 8,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21127706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tress13/pseuds/Tress13
Summary: Letters from Aoife Verd, gnome druid of Silver Leaf, to her friends and family.





	1. Chapter 1

Dear Aiona,

I’m sure that Solvi has (hopefully) already sent a letter to you; and also hopefully it will have good news from her end! She went off on a lead, but since it was the opposite direction from Lonan’s last known location I decided to go search for him. I’m still traveling south and will send another update soon if I hear anything about Lonan or a cure! Traveling has been very interesting - if it was under better circumstances I’d probably be enjoying it a lot more, but there’s so much to see and learn!  
Keeping you all in my thoughts and I hope to be home soon.  
  
Until we meet again may the blessings of the earth be with you,  
Aoife Verd

~~~~

Dear Mom and Da,

So. . . .I’m going ahead and writing this now, and will hopefully get this sent before the next part of my journey! I’m going through those tunnels on the giant spiders they have down there in the underdark; I wonder if they harvest the spider silk? I bet you could make fantastic rope that way! Or traps! I’m sure someone has thought of that before though. . .  
The important thing is that Solvi and I split up a bit south of Varraway. I know that we said we’d stick together, but she had a lead on information that looks like it could be useful in finding a cure and it was in the opposite direction from the last known whereabouts of Lonan. So we can cover more ground this way! And if it ends up being a dead end than Solvi will come meet me and I won’t be by myself long. It’s weird traveling by myself. I miss you all.  
  
Love,  
Fee

P.S. I’ve put a book I found on southern flora and fauna in a package for Acantha! Or well. . .all of you, but I know they were asking those merchants last month. Give my love to them, and Enok, and Gran!

~~~~

Dear Ylva,

Congratulations on your engagement! That’s wonderful news!  
Maybe once you’re married and settled down I or someone else can come down to the farm and enrich the soil for you? Let me know if y’all would like that!  
Silver Leaf is a bit better. Or it was when I was there last, but still not quite (ink splatter) It’s a bit off. I guess. It’s hard to put into words, but the blight at least seems to be momentarily halted.  
Anyways, so actually, I’m traveling to help with that and to try and meet up with my wayward brother - no word on him yet. But if you send any letters to Silver Leaf, I won’t get them right now. It’s funny, right? I always said that once I was more experienced that I’d like to travel and learn about plants and animals elsewhere before coming back home to teach. I didn’t think it would be these circumstances. Maybe I’ll have stories as crazy as yours someday!  
All the best to ya!

Aoife

~~~~

Ulli,

I wanted to let you know that I’m traveling and won’t get any letters sent to Silver Leaf right now.  
I did get those sketches of the flowers from the Southern Plains though! They’re lovely, and your notes on their uses in herbalism and teas are fascinating! Unfortunately I haven’t been studying anything particularly fun recently so nothing much to send to you.  
Things are still a bit troubling at home. We still haven’t found a full cure. I’m worried, but that’s why I’m traveling right now.  
Last time Mom, Da, & Lonan were too worried to let us all go. . . and honestly I think Da was more worried this time.

Thinking of you and wishing you fair winds in the south!  
-Aoife


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters Not Yet Sent. . . Part 1

_Group of Letters - Not yet sent, in Aoife’s pack_

* * *

Hey!  
  
I will be delayed a bit more than expected. I hope you all are not worrying too much. Da is probably worrying.  
_Da, don’t worry!_  
I’m not sure when this letter will actually get posted. I’m not actually sure where I am - and if Gran or Acantha are reading this: NO, I didn’t misread a map or get lost, or. . . . I guess I did get lost. But it’s not my fault!  
I was traveling by giant spider through the Underdark tunnels, but everyone got kicked off. Some sort of argument about the best ways to travel broke out? The driver got pissed and threw everyone off. (The spider was very cute, a very good spider. Deserves lots of hugs and love. The driver was a jerk. Is that normal?)  
I’m traveling with 4 people from the train - I think most of them are from southern cities? I’m not sure; none of them talk like they’re from Varraway. They’re all super interesting and nice though! And competent! (Again - the lost part was unavoidable, I want to emphasize that).  
So - I’m ok, and traveling with some neat people! Hopefully I can make friends.  
  
Love,  
Fee  
  
-~-~-~-~-  
  
Hey,  
  
So. . . do any of y’all or Aiona know anything about a place called Barovia? Cuz I’m in Barovia now. Which was a surprise to me.  
Things got really weird. There was an unnatural mist. And a house. . . and …. things were really awful honestly.  
Not awful to the point you need to worry! Don’t worry! Just. . . I love you all so much. I didn’t realize that some families are just horrible. I didn’t really think about it at the time, but we meet these ghost children and then there were these parents who gave their son to a hag and just. . . I’m thinking about it now and missing you all I guess.  
Don’t worry too much - I really am surrounded by some really competent and cool people. Missing y’all, but happy to make some new friends. I think we’re friends now? There’s 6 others I’m traveling with now: Makda - they’re absolutely brilliant and strong and I kinda want Solvi to meet them; Ivy - super clever halfling from Rusk, she’s very cool and very good at picking locks; Iddra - she’s a cleric from Hatshe! I’ve heard so much about Hatshe but she’s both somehow. . .exactly like I’d expect but also not at all what I’d expect from a holy woman? Absolutely lovely either way!; Moon - another druid! She’s so kind and sweet! It’s nice not being the only person from the wilds; Hestia - she’s really powerful it seems? Scared the crap out of a couple of guys in a bar the other night; and we were joined by a Barovian - Ireena, who were helping get away from an asshole!  
I miss you all.  
Love you all so, so much.  
  
Fee  
P.S. I haven’t found any books or good information here yet. Hopefully will find something soon!  
  
-~-~-~-~-  
  
Solvi,  
  
YOU NEVER SAID THAT PEOPLE WOULD FREAK OUT ABOUT GIANT SPIDERS! You said that most people were fine with using them for transport!  
I dunno, that happened a good while ago. . . maybe the people here are just weird. They don’t seem to. . . get out much? I mean, this is my first time going farther than Varraway so no judgment. . . but the people here seem to be judgey. Lots of humans and not much else. Well other than the people I came here with.  
You may get word from home before me, but I’ve gotten a bit side-tracked and uh. . .trapped in some sort of demi-plane. The demi-plane mostly sucks balls.  
I have met some really cool people here though! I wrote about them in one of my letters back home. It’s kinda like having siblings and cousins with me when they’re all around! I hope you can meet them someday - if they want - I think you’d really like them! I hope it’s not unfair to them; to assume such a close bond?  
Oh! GUESS WHAT! I’ve got a tiny mimic baby now! Me and a cleric from Hatshe - Iddra - are helping train him so he won’t be a danger to innocent people. His name is lil’Bean and he is very cute and very smart and I love him so much. ♥  
So. . . the location: sucks ass  
Some of the people: also suck ass  
My friends: ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL. They are all just so knowledgeable and strong! I’d have been completely screwed without them, Solvi. I’m sad that I’m not with you and Acantha and Lonan but. . . they’re like family now too? At least. . I feel that way. I hope you’ve found some companions too. I don’t like thinking about you or Lonan being all along.  
Don’t do anything too dumb (or more dumb than what I’d normally do)!  
  
-Fee  
  
-~-~-~-~-  
  
Ulli,  
  
Do you know much about Barovia?  
I’ve . . . seemed to have gotten myself stuck here. It’s been absolutely awful to be honest, but I’ve learned some new things! And made lots of new friends!  
I’ve also had the misfortune of meeting the most idiotic and awful group of Druids. They were so fucking dumb. And absolute jerks. AND they were fucking the land over! And hurting people!!! It’s like . . .even past the stereotypes or jokes about us being hicks or hippies - they were hurting the land and then using it to hurt people!  
I hope I never become like that. I hope someone just finishes me before I’d do anything like that.  
I am learning a lot about mimic developmental stages though! I have a baby mimic that I’m training with my friend Iddra, and I’m taking notes about the process and the stages of development! I’ve made some copies for you that I’ll send when I get the chance to send the letter.  
I hope you’re well! I miss trading letters and ideas with you, but I’m making friends just like you said I would. I guess I shouldn’t let one bad experience affect how I create new bonds.  
  
-Aoife


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters Not Yet Sent. . . Part 2

_Group of Letters - Not yet sent, in Aoife’s pack_

* * *

  
Aiona,   
  
I found some information!   
Which was exciting at first. I’m not sure if any of it is helpful though.   
I’m including a package of the notes I’ve taken so far from the information gathered. I found some books in a temple in Barovia. It’s really dangerous here though, so I hope we don’t ever need to come back for anything. Some of the handwriting is obviously mine and the rest is from one of my new acquaintances, Kazimir. He’s extremely intelligent and I kinda wish you were here to ask him questions and pick his brain.   
Honestly - I miss having mentors around and . . .it’s nice to have someone like that here. You may have heard from my parents that I’ve made some friends, and am trying really hard to live up to those relationships. It’s nice though to have a sort of. . .grandfather really. I call him granddad. I never got to meet Mom’s or Da’s dads. So. I dunno. It’s just nice.   
I’ve gotten very off topic from the original point of this letter.   
No matter what else happens I’ll try to at least make sure that y’all get these notes.   
  
Aoife   
P.S. I turned into a Dragon!!!! . . .Do scales always itch? Is there a way to lessen that? Or is it just that I’m not used to that sensation yet?   
  
-~-~-~-~-   
  
Ulli,   
  
There’s been a lot on my mind recently. I don’t mind to burden you with my problems, but I’m not sure who to write to. I’d write to my family but. . . . it’s probably stupid. And I’m starting to think that none of these letters will even get sent.   
No. That’s not true. I have to believe that some of the group will get out of Barovia. I think they would send the letters for me.   
  
I wish I had been ready to leave when the first groups went out.   
Acantha was expecting. Lonan shouldn’t have been the one to go. It should have been me.   
I think Da was worried though. Aiona too probably - I hadn’t been out as much or as far as Lonan or Solvi. They thought I wasn’t prepared to go on a dangerous mission like that. And they were right, I wasn’t.   
And frankly, based off how much I keep fucking things up, I’m still not.   
I keep saying and doing the stupidest of things. I only want to help. I want to keep everyone safe. I’m so scared and I don’t want any more of my family - and I have so much more family now- getting lost because of me. Because of my incompetence.   
I’ve almost lost several people because of my stupidity and Lonan. . .  
  
I’m not foolish enough to think I’d have done any better than Lonan, but he should be safe in Silver Leaf with Acantha and Enok. It’s not fair.   
I’m ashamed. I wouldn’t write this to Mom or Da or Aiona. I feel like I’ve let everyone down though. I thought I was ready to help care for everyone. That I could be a mentor and protector like Gran or Aiona in the future.   
I’m starting to think I won’t ever be. Even if I do live to get out of here.   
If I do survive, I need to become better. I have to be.   
  
Aoife   
  
-~-~-~-~-   
  
Hey,   
Mom, Dad, Gran, Aiona,   
  
I wanted to let you all know that I love you all so much.   
I don’t know if I’ve (_several lines crossed out_)   
I’m not doing as well as I’d hoped if I’m honest. I’m still trying to learn, and grow, and find out what we need to know about curing the Blight. About where Lonan could be.   
I do want you all to know no matter what:   
I love you all so much.   
I hope that I will see you again. If not - all my love.   
  
Aoife   
P.S. If. . .it’s not me that sends these letters. There might be some chance it’s one of my friends, and maybe they’ll just send them with the imps but. . . if any of them come to Silver Leaf without me, please know that they are family to me. I’d have fallen or worse far sooner without them.   
  
-~-~-~-~-   
  
Acantha,   
  
Thank you for showing me that there was so much to learn from the wider world. I wish I could have traveled with you and Solvi before Silver Leaf.   
I am forever glad that you are part of my family now. I know that Solvi and everyone else feels the same way. (_A crossed out sentence that starts with “Lonan”_)   
Give all of my love to Enok. If something happens and my acorn charm ends up back in Silver Leaf without me, will you give it to him? If you want to of course. . .   
  
Fee   
  
-~-~-~-~-   
  
Lonan,   
  
I miss you so much. I’m so sorry. ...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unsent Letter from Vallaki
> 
> Warning: this chapter includes mentions of alcohol consumption and self-loathing.

_A sloppily writtern letter, burned, the ashes scattered under a tree._

* * *

Acantha~ ♥♥♥♥  
Made mimosas today but wasn’t the same w/out you or Solvi or Lonan. Lonan is a lightweight. Maybe he got drunk and fell asleeep in the gutter somewhere. Noooooo . . . hes too good for that. I miss him Aca. He taught me to read, did you know that? He wass super patient with it too, even when I filled his bag with frogs.  
Acutually I think he liked the frogs? They were cute. Good froggies.  
  
Hey. Acantha? All this time I’ve been wanting to say sorry to you and Lonan and Enok but. . . I was scared and I didn’t know how. And I know that Lonan going two years ago instaed of me was. . . . I know it wasn’t my fault, but it feels like I should have done something. Is that selfish? Maybe this whole time I’ve just been focusing too much on myself and what I want and what I can do and just me me me mm  
Acantha, I love you all so much. I say I should have done something but as soon as I’m on my own I ran into trouble. I miss you and Lonan and Solvi, but I’m glad none of you are here. It’s awful. None of my friends should have to be dealing with this shit… but we are.  
  
I think. . .I thik I did a very bad thing today yaknow. I think it was a horrible thing to do. It was cold blooded, Iddra said it was different but Im not certain.  
I think I might be a bad person Aca.  
I can’t remember Ee’s face cuz I’m stupid and even worst I don’t regret it. But I think . . . .I don’t know if I regret today? I almost do. . . that makes it worse. The fact that I don’t completely. The fact that I feel justified. Make my heart stone but it makes me feel sick.  
  
No. No. No.  
I’mm not doing this. Not again. I have doubts ok. Or not ok. But fuck’em.  
Each day I can make choices. Maybe I fucked up, But I can do better tomorrow. I jsut gotta keep trying. . .


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters written the night before leaving for Ravenloft. . .

Aiona,

This pile of letters is getting a bit out of hand, but there’s not much to do about that.  
Hopefully, I’ll be following these letters with a visit, but in case I can’t come back for any reason I wanted to make sure you got the information I’ve found so far.  
There should a couple letters that I wrote a while ago - the one that mentioned the Amber Temple and my new grandpa? I’ve learned a couple things since then, but some of them cannot be written down. Some of the information I’ve found out is dangerous to know. . . .I’m not sure what to do with it, but if I can then I’ll certainly continue trying to uncover more about the blight and how to fix it.  
I am. . . very worried about Lonan and what he may have found out.  
  
I want to thank you for everything.  
I’ve not done very well with sticking to the principles that you and Gran and everyone has taught me. I’ve done some bad things and things I regret. I still have a lot to learn it seems.  
But, without what I’d learned from you I’d have never made it this far.  
If I’m not able to come back but. . . . thank you.

~Aoife  
P.S. If. . . if I am not able to return, I just wanted to let you know that the people I’ve been traveling with are family to me. I’ve mentioned them in past letters - Kazimir, Makda, Iddra, Moon, Hestia, Ivy, Ezmerelda, Ireena, Saveen - they. . .I don’t know if. . . well, they mean a lot to me at least. They’d have no reason to go to Silver Leaf, but if they’re ever up there, please treat them like family of Silver Leaf.  
  
P.P.S.Do you remember Ylva Helm? She was part of the caravans that would come around Midsummer 6-4 years ago. She was always really kind to me and we’ve been pen-pals for awhile.  
If I’m not able to return, for whatever reason, she’s settling down on a farm and getting married soon and I said that I’d go help with the land a bit as a wedding present but. . . .if I’m not able to, can you send someone out to enrich her land?

~~~~~~~~~~

Hey,  
  
(_several crossed out starts_)  
I’m not quite sure how the next couple of days will go.  
I just wanted to send a letter to let you know that I love you all so, so much.  
I wanna thank you all - Gran, Mom, Da, Acantha - for everything you’ve done for me and taught me and. . .  
I miss you all so much. It’s very . . . it’s been difficult.  
I really really hope to see you all again soon. I’m not sure, if . . . I don’t wanna worry y’all, but I’m not sure what will happen.  
I feel like. . . there is so much I want to say. To you all. I’m not sure how though. . .

I love y’all.  
~Aoife

~~~~~~~~~~

Solvi,  
  
I hope this finds you well.  
Honestly the search has been a bit shit for me. . . I mean, I’ve found some info on the blight but nothing concrete about Lonan and. . . .it’s just absolute shit here. I’ve done some stuff that I’ve regretted and just. . .it’s been pretty shit.  
I’ve made some friends though! I think. . . . it feels like they’re family to me at least.  
I’m not sure . . . if or when I’ll see you again.  
Either way I need you to know: I love you so much. You are the best sister I could have ever wished for.  
  
Love,  
Fee

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ylva,  
  
Hey! I hope you and your fiancee are doing well!  
There have been some complications recently, and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to come to help with the land on your farm. . . .  
If I’m not able to be there, someone else from Silver Leaf should be coming!  
Wishing you both lots of love and joy together,

Aoife

~~~~~~~~~~~

Ulli,  
  
This might be my last letter, but I hope not.  
I. . .  
There are many things you are right about and . . . some things Irma was right about.  
I’ve. . . .there have been places I’ve been and people I’ve met that have been absolutely awful, but there have also been so many wonderful things to see and amazing people and. . . .you’re right, I think those things are worth fighting for even through all the bad. . .  
I think though. . . I think Irma was right about me not being ready or . . . enough for any of this. That I don’t understand people or the world enough.  
But, I don’t want to let that stop me either. I don’t. . . . it may not matter in the end.  
I want to try to keep going though. I want to see more of the world and meet more people. . . and maybe someday I’ll be enough.  
I did want to thank you for your advice and kindness. . . I hope this is not my last letter.

Aoife

~~~~~~~~~~

_Crumpled up and unaddressed piece of paper underneath the others_

It should have been me, not Lonan.  
I’m sorry.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Letters Written Post-Barovia

_Letters written immediately after getting out of Barovia._  
-

Aiona,

So, I made it out of Barovia! The friends that I mentioned in previous letters ( hopefully I’ve ordered them in such a way that they make sense? Or maybe it’s less worrying if you read this one first) were absolutely amazing and they and . . . .they're just so great Aiona. I'd have been lost literally and figuratively without them. I just hope I can be. . . . well. I hope I can be a good friend at least.   
Don’t worry too much! Except for the part that I’m still a bit worried about . . . the information I’ve been finding about the Blight hasn’t been great. It seems to be related to the calamity, and there seems to be a real issue with powerful beings (like. . .gods) purposefully hiding and destroying the information. Worse: also getting rid of people who find out too much.  
Barovia was extremely Blighted but we. . .helped it a bit? There were Rune Stones that helped.  
I’m worried about Lonan and Solvi. I got a strange letter from an unknown source that seemed to mention them both.  
I’m sure you’ve got it handled around Silver Leaf really well though.  
Tell Kerth that I’ll cheer up when shit stops being awful. (crude drawing of Aoife sticking her tongue out)  
I love the stone though; it’s so pretty and. . . . it’s nice. I’ve added it to my charm bracelet.

-Aoife

~~~~

Kerth,

I know you can write. SEND ME YOUR OWN LETTER.

-Aoife

~~~~~~

Mom,  
Oh! How are they? I miss nice nature. . . but I should be able to enjoy it more now that I’m out of Barovia!  
There was so much Blight there. . . and the only Druids from the area were complete asshats.  
I’ll be honest - things were a bit touch-and-go there for awhile but I’m out of Barovia now, and I’m traveling with some really amazing people! They’re all super strong and clever, so you don’t need to worry about me.  
I’m . . . not sure where Solvi is, but I might have a lead on her and maybe on Lonan too.  
They’re both really strong and resilient.

I love you and miss you so much.  
Give my love to Da and Gran.  
♥♥♥  
-Fee

~~~~

Cantha!!!!!

Oh stone and sky, I’ve missed you and Eeny so much. How is he? I. . .this is a weird question, but if anyone can do a portrait. . .could you send me a drawing of him?  
I’ve included the recipe for the tea in the envelope with this letter!  
Don’t worry! You haven’t gotten anybody lost - we’ve gotten ourselves lost if anything. I possibly shouldn’t have split up from Solvi - but I have found a little info on the Blight.  
I’m not sure, but I may have a bit of a lead about where to find my wayward siblings as well.

I miss you lots.  
Love,  
Fee


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter includes talk of self-loathing and depression.

_An unsent letter crumpled up in Aoife's pack. _

* * *

Lonan,

. . . .  
I’m mainly writing this to you because I’ll never actually send it.

And. . . . oh fuck it. I’m so, so, so sorry.  
I’m sorry for everything.  
You deserved better. Mom, and Da, and everyone deserved better.  
I wasn’t . . . I was stupid, and a bother, and awful, and naive, and selfish. Everything she said at the end was right.  
Worse, I was weak after that.  
Such a stupid minor thing. . . a silly little break up caused by a silly little girl who just. . .it doesn’t matter. I was stupid and weak.  
You should have stayed with Acantha at home, but I was too weak and pathetic then. . . and I still am weak and pathetic now.  
I’m so sorry. It would have been better for everyone.

I wrote a letter awhile ago that I never sent - it was to Cantha - it said that I was going to keep trying. That I’d be better and make better choices and. . . . .I’m so stupid.  
I can’t even do that right.

I got you lost. I’ve upset people I love over, and over, and over again.  
Solvi might be lost because of me.  
I’ve made such wonderful friends, but they deserve so much better than me.  
I haven’t been able to protect them and . . . .more often than not I’ve created worse issues for them. One of my friends nearly lost an important bond because of me. . . I keep disappointing them. They should be dissapointed. I couldn’t even protect them when. . .I couldn’t do anything. Not for them or anyone else.They’d be better off without me. I’m such a coward and so fucking weak.  
I’m so scared that I’ll be rejected again. . . but I know that would be better for everyone. I’m not worth it.

Even this is stupid. This letter is stupid, selfish, absolute bullshit from. . . . it doesn’t matter.  
I shouldn’t complain like a stupid and selfish child. I’ve been so lucky, I should be stronger than this.  
I shouldn’t break under the littlest of pressure. I’ve let everyone down.  
I can’t bear the thought of looking Mom, Da, or Cantha in the eyes. If I was a better daughter and person I’d be able to be there for them. All I can think about is how I’ve let them down since two years ago and I just want to throw up.  
It was difficult enough to see Enok and Aiona.

I’m so stupid to be complaining and to feel like this. I should be thankful for how lucky I’ve been. . . Sea, Sky, and Stone take me. I’m so stupid.  
I was always scared that Irma was right about me, but I’m even worse than selfish and naive. I’m just awful. I shatter so easily and . . . . I nearly killed someone who didn’t deserve it and in such an awful way. I was scared because he . . . .it doesn’t matter. I’m horrible.  
I keep. . . all I’m good for is causing others pain and just watching.  
I can’t stand to continue watching people be killed and hurt.  
Watching everyone after we lost track of you. Watching my friends suffer and get injured. Watching them soulless. Watching my friend get tortured. Watching innocent people get murdered.  
I just keep standing by and doing nothing. I’m good for absolutely nothing.  
It would have been better for everyone if I’d disappeared instead of you.  
It hurts


	8. Chapter 8

_Letters sent to Silver Leaf the first morning in Hatshe._

* * *

Aiona,  
  
I’m sorry that I’m not ready to visit and give you information in person.  
I’m safe in Hatshe right now.  
I’m still learning information that might help with figuring out the cause of the blight. Unfortunately, it’s all information that can’t be safely written.

I. . . just in case any of my research becomes an issue and … I want to make sure others are aware: I think Solvi is in Epoch. I’m not sure why she’s not communicating with anyone though. I’m worried for her.  
Also. . . some of the things I’ve learned have made me worried for Silver Leaf. I don’t have specifics but. . .I think it would be good if there was some form of gate stone that could get everyone out and to a safe location (plane?) that is protected from the Blight. I feel like this is very important.  
I’ll try to tell you more soon.

Thank you.  
Aoife

~~~~

Kerth,

You’re still not writing and using your words. :P  
I do have a question that I would appreciate if you can answer honestly (I know - it’s so very difficult). I met a Fey and was given their true name - but I’m a bit worried to say it aloud given the power that holds.  
I’d like to meet them again but wasn’t sure how to go about finding them? In particular, how should I call them since I don’t know their public name?

Love!  
Aoife


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warning: this chapter includes talk of self-loathing and depression.

Mom,

_(several lines started and scratched out so strongly that the paper is torn)_

I don’t want to worry you, but . . . I haven’t been very forthcoming with my thoughts and emotions always, and bottling them up isn’t helping anything.

Hopefully you already got my letter saying that I am safe and in Hatshe.  
So.  
Good news first: I’m still safe and in Hatshe! I’m staying at a temple (that is also my friend’s home?) and they are very, very lovely here!  
The head priest here - Gell - is super kind and wise. He’s my friend, Iddra’s dad. It's easy to tell, because they’re both very warm, bright, and lovely people. I can feel hopeful when I’m around them.

More good news: I’ve made a lot of friends! They’re really amazing people! Strong, and smart, and talented.  
I’m really lucky that I found them. They make me really happy. . . but also kind of scared.  
I have a hard time imagining that I’m … worthy of their friendship. I’m scared they’ll realize that. Which is stupid and probably self-centered. That’s not even how friendship works! I mean I need to work on being a better friend, but “worth” doesn’t enter into the equation right?  
The point is that they are wonderful people. . . .and I can work on being a better friend.  
Or at least I hope I can...

I got off topic there; finally - I think that I know where Solvi is, and I’m going to try and find her soon.

Mom…. I miss you so, so, so much.  
I… I know that you all were worried for me before. After I reacted poorly over my break-up. It seems like such a little thing now, and I should have handled it better.  
I should have not let it get me so down. . . or at least tried to find ways to be productive with my feelings.  
I feel like I should have done something differently.  
  
I was upset, of course, and . . . .you were probably all correct to assume I’d have trouble being out on my own at the time. But, it also made me feel so useless.  
Maybe I should have been more open with my thoughts and feelings at the time, but a lot of things that had been said by certain people kept playing over and over in my head.  
I kept stopping myself from speaking.

Leaving to look for Lonan felt like I was trying to correct my mistakes, or . . .something.  
I keep feeling like I’m only going from one mistake to another.  
Gell told me that he was grateful to us all for bring Iddra back to Hatshe, but I feel like I did nothing?  
At least once I feel like I put her in danger. . . . but. I dunno.  
If I think about it objectively, then I suppose I did helpful things too.

Mama… I used my magic to nearly brutally murder a man. I was scared and confused, but that’s not an excuse.  
He contracted Blight but was trying to hide it and … generally acting shady. I probably should have healed him but… there were a lot of chaotic emotions going on… but it’s not an excuse. I … I think I did an evil thing.  
I’m worried that if that’s how I act when I get confused and scared, maybe deep inside I’m evil too.  
I'm worried about that all the time now, and the fact that I can't . . . .

I’m still so scared for Lonan, and I can’t help feeling that he’d be safe if I had been stronger. But maybe that’s also stupid and self centered of me to think?  
  
… In Barovia I came across Largen - Ylva’s brother - and he was dead.  
It was… awful, suddenly being surprised with the news of a friend’s death like that. Everything was happening so fast and it just… it came as a huge shock and it hurt.  
It hurt so so so much.   
  
Then a lot of other things happened very quickly. I was. . . there was. . . my friends were. . . Well, I’m not sure if I processed it all fully but… my friend Iddra was able to set things up for Largen to be resurrected.  
I am so grateful to her and Gell - I don’t think I can ever repay them.  
I wasn’t at all prepared for … finding him dead. Finding his corpse.  
Some part of me worried that I’d _(crossed out line, the word brother is barely legible)  
_  
Grandpa, that is Kazimir - I’ve mentioned him in past letters - was very, very kind right after.  
At the time I felt like I might just fade away right then and no one would notice but Kazimir helped me, grounded me. Iddra too.  
I feel bad, they both had other concerns that were more pressing but they took the time to check in on me.  
Everyone has had so many things to deal with and they’ve all had to go through so much in Barovia. The fact that Kazimir and Iddra checked in and cared about . . . well, I'm glad someone was there when I was grieving.   
  
I was a wreck over Largen’s death, it’s still affecting me to be honest. I think I’d have … I don’t know what I would have done without Kazimir and Iddra in those days. There have been too many near misses with my friends - Makda and then Hestia - I … It’s … I hate seeing that. I’m so scared all the time. I was mourning and thinking of all those near misses and . . .future possibilities and . . . . maybe I'm still mourning. Is that stupid? Everyone seems to be doing better. . .   
Instead of being able to help anybody, I’ve just been feeling worse each day, like I keep trying to crawl out from a heavy weight but each day it just pushes down harder. I’m worried that makes me useless. I feel useless.

I am trying to improve, I am.  
I… I believe in the people around me; I just need to learn to believe in myself too.

I miss you and I’m sorry.  
I will try and bring Solvi and Lonan home safely.

Love,  
Fee


	10. Chapter 10

Hello Granddad!  
  
I’m sorry I didn’t write sooner! Though I guess it hasn’t been that long?  
It’s not quite been a full week yet? I think?  
I’ve apparently gotten bad at keeping track of the days; parts of the last month have seemed to fly by and other parts dragged on waaaaaay too slowly. . .

I wanted to write you a letter though! Because I was thinking about you!  
We are in Epoch now and there’s been a lot going on.  
We are all fine though! So don’t worry! Or I mean. . . .if you’re anything like me or Da you’ll probably worry regardless. . .so TRY not to worry TOO MUCH!

Oh! But before that!  
We went to Rusk as you know - there’s something really weird going on with cults? Do you know anything about a faceless god? It’ll be fine probably? Ivy’s aunt is looking into it I think? Ivy’s aunt is pretty scary, but in a good way. I like her.  
And ICE CREAM!!! ICE CREAM WAS SO YUMMY!!!!! You should try some! But you should probably wait till Ivy is with you? Rusk is strange.

Ivy stayed in Rusk to renovate her apartment.  
I’m a bit worried for Ivy though;the demon possessing Arabelle can hunt for people in dreams, but I think that you have to be in physically close proximity for her to do that? So . . . it’s probably fine? I know she was doing it to Carter and the other Vistani before I got them out. I still feel bad that I didn’t get them all out.  
I was just worried though, because I can find people in dreams over long distances? I’ve visited a couple people that way.

We checked out some old Dragonborn ruins too! There was a dracolich! And Ivy picked up a cursed dagger! She’s better now though, so it’s ok!  
And there was something underneath the ruins that was much older and seemingly created by people from off planet? There are more ancient ruins like that but we got a lot of information down there - Makda would probably be able to explain it better though. You need at least one Great Restoration spell when doing that though (my friend and teacher Kerth and told me about that once, but I thought they were just making it up because they do that sometimes).

Anyways - we’re in Epoch now! And we’ve made a new friend! I was able to contact my sister but it seems she’s in some. . . financial trouble? I’m gonna help her sort it out though.

I miss you a lot, but I’m glad you’re getting some good rest in Hatshe!  
It’s the most restful of the cities we’ve visited I think, and Mr. Gell is really kind. You’re still at the temple right? It’s Iddra’s home, so that makes it your home too right?

Miss you and love you lots!  
Your granddaughter,  
Aoife  
  


~~~~~~~~  
  


Ivy,  
Hey! How’s apartment renovation going?  
I just realized I have absolutely no fucking idea what is involved with apartment renovation.  
I’m assuming it cost a lot of money? But you are rich now!  
Can you do renovations with magic? Does that make it less or more expensive? Oh! You should let me know if you need a shit-ton of stone moved though! I can do that for you for free!

Epoch is in theory really, really pretty but. . . . also kind of awful? If I was just here on vacation maybe I’d like it more, but there seems to be a fuck ton of corruption. I guess that’s common in all cities?  
And it looks like mine and Hestia’s sisters are caught up in the whole mess.  
I’m a bit worried about them, but I’m sure we’ll figure something out. It’ll be fine. Or we’ll find a way to make it fine.  
So, as strange as it is to say: I think I like Rusk a little more than Epoch. Like, statistically I’m probably more likely to get robbed or stabbed (or robbed AND stabbed) in Rusk. . . but it somehow seems more straightforward? Does that make sense? It probably doesn’t make sense.  
Point is:  
Wishing you all the best with renovations! Don’t get stabbed! If you do get stabbed please see a healer immediately(or I can tree Iddra to you? Or Moon? Or Me?) well, unless you’re trying to get a cool looking scar, but it would be bad to get an infection. So still go to the healer, just let them know that you wanna keep the scar.  
Keep us updated on your renovations and heists! And take care!  
~Aoife  
P.S. I miss your cooking.  
P.P.S. I miss you even more.

~~~~~~~~

Ms. Zilvra,  
I’m not sure if you remember me, but this is Aoife, one of Makda’s friends.  
I want to apologize that I was not present when you gave our group new garments, and that I wasn’t there to express my gratitude and say goodbye at the time. I was not feeling very well, and I didn’t realize that I had missed seeing you off until later.  
You made such absolutely stunning clothing for me! I don’t think I’ve ever owned clothing that was this beautiful before. I can’t fully express what it means to me, but please know that you have my thanks.  
I hope you and Sanamin are having pleasant travels!

~Aoife  
P.S. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with you in Hatshe, but wanted to say that you must be a really amazing mom. It’s clear that Makda loves you a whole bunch and they have excellent judgment (and are a really wonderful friend).

~~~~~~~~~

Aiona,

I’ve found out a lot more information since my last letter and I’m. . . at a bit of a loss about how to say or explain everything?  
In my last message I did say that it would be good if Silver Leaf had some sort of . . .warding system or exit plan just in case? Probably not to the Feywild. Actually - definitely not the Feywild. DO NOT LET KERTH TAKE SILVER LEAF TO THE FEYWILD.  
I know that the Feywild, the Astral Plane, and the Elemental Plane of Fire all have some level of Blight. I recently spoke with a Fey who indicated that outside of the courts and parlours that things there are pretty bad in the Feywild concerning Blight.

The issue causing this concern is that . . . we got a glimpse of a possible future through some weird time-divination magic: in a years time there might be a cataclysmic Blight event if. . . certain forgotten gods rise. Also, apparently certain other gods hate it when anyone tries to find out about the Blight or the events around it’s appearance, or spread, or said forgotten gods. . .I’m worried that’s why Lonan disappeared but I don’t know that to be true or not.  
My friends and I do have some knowledge and ideas on how to stop this from happening - we’re working on it! I just . . . I don’t remember the details but I know that Silver Leaf would be in great danger if we fail.  
I hope none of that happens, but if it does. . . it would be good to have something in place in case of the worst case scenario.

Um, other than that… Oh! The Dragonborn Empire Ruins! Kerth was telling the truth!!! They’re weird as fuck, but they had some interesting information. . . apparently they were built by people who weren’t from this planet? Built before anything went down with the Blight.  
Also! It’s not really your area of expertise (I don’t think?), but do you know anything about celestial bodies? Or ways to keep a comet from hitting the planet?

I’ve been ok; Cities are a bit draining. . .I don’t hate them - surprisingly enough - but I feel like I’d enjoy them a lot more without the corruption and disregard for life. . .but that was present in Barovia too. I mean I know that life - nature - can be cruel and “unfair” but this. . . somehow seems different? I don’t know how to describe it. It’s a created, calculated cruelty.  
I’m still. . . I think I’m having trouble trusting myself after some of the things that happened in Barovia. I feel like I did things. . . some were just poor judgement, but I did a couple things that make me worried about my character as a person? Maybe I’m also. . . somehow corrupt and cruel. I hope not. I want to guard against it, but it’s shading how I view myself. I was wondering if you ever felt like that?  
And. . .you’ve lived so long, how do you deal with grief?  
. . . those are rather big and open ended questions. Ah well. . .

Missing you all and Silver Leaf a whole bunch!  
I did find Solvi and she currently. . .she can’t come home yet and is in a bit of a briar patch, but I know she wants to get out and come home, so I’m gonna try and help her.

Love,  
Aoife

P.S. In thanks for that “special” honey cake in the dream, here’s a treat!

_A small package of chili-chocolate is included._

~~~~~~~~

Kerth,  
Disregard the question about fey! I figured it out! Well. . .I guess I figured it out? Maybe? Partially?  
Though any other information about the Feywild and Fey would be useful! I’m getting the feeling that they are. . .really bound by reciprocity? Is that right?  
Names are dangerous to give out too, right?

Also. . . .uh, so people do get toasted down in those pre-Dragonborn Empire ruins, huh? It’s ok - greater restoration really does do the trick.  
You wouldn’t happen to remember anything else about them?

I’m assuming that you’re reading Aiona’s mail - so I won’t re-state everything in this letter.  
If you’re not, then I’m surprised at you. I didn’t know you could learn new things like manners at your old age. :P  
In all honesty though - Feywild isn’t a good idea for the spot to take Silver Leaf in case of an emergency. I am sorry about that. . . um, you have some friends there too, right?  
If you know more about the Feywild, or Ancient Ruins, or . . .anything - it could be helpful?  
I added the stone to my bracelet by the way! It’s very pretty! Thank you!

Take care,  
Aoife

P.S. Don’t steal Aiona’s chocolate. If you actually write maybe I’ll send you some of your own. . . .nah, I’ll send you some anyways.

_Also includes a small package of chili-chocolate._

~~~~~~~~

Mr. Gell,

I wanted to thank you for. . . well for a whole forest full of things, and I’ll try to get my thoughts in order here on paper.

Firstly I wanted to thank you again for returning Largen to life.  
I know that was tied into your own. . .gratitude for having Iddra return to Hatshe safely, but it still meant a lot to me.  
I know that Largen is also grateful to be alive, and Ylva will be happy too - or at least I think so, I guess I shouldn’t really speak for them, but I’m pretty sure that’s true.  
So thank you for that - really, no thanks would be enough.

I also wanted to thank you for being a wonderful host. Or well, I suppose thank the temple of Lliira? As a whole?  
You were all so very kind and supportive of the whole group and . . .all the others that ended up coming as well ( I know I personally ended up . . .dropping a lot of things on to you, and uh. . .I suppose invited people over without really asking - apologies).

Finally - I wanted to say thanks for, um. . . talking with me.  
I have been thinking about what you said a lot and I think you were right about a lot of things. I am trying to be kind to others and to myself - but I’m not always sure if I succeed. I am sometimes worried that if I don’t. . . I worry that bad parts of me will come out if I let myself go, but I guess there is a level of watching myself that is beneficial and then there is a level that  
I suppose it’s a process? Each day I’m around I can keep trying.  
So - thank you for that. It meant a lot to me.

I hope you are doing well and that so is everyone else!  
Oh! Is Largen still around? Remind him to contact his sister if he hasn’t already! If you could?  
And if Kazimir is still there, make sure he relaxes sometimes? He worries a lot and tends to carry the weight of well. . .everything. Which is understandable, but I just. . . it would make me feel better if I know someone is looking out for him.

Once again: Thank you so, so much.

Sincerely,  
Aoife Verd

~~~~~~~~


	11. Chapter 11

Saveen,

Hey! How is Hatshe?   
Are you still at the temple? How’s Hatshe? How’s Grandpa - Kazimir I mean?   
I know that Iddra has been missing you; she sighs and gets this little smile sometimes. 

I’m sure that Iddra is sending you lots of letters with all the updates on what we’re up to, but I did wanna send a letter to just send greetings.   
The cities in the south are a bit of a culture shock for me (though maybe just cities are?). Is adjusting to Hatshe easy for you? 

Anyways, I hope you are having fun and relaxing! 

Your friend,  
Aoife 

~~~~~~~~~~

Ireena,

I know it hasn’t been that many days but I’m finding myself missing you all - you, Saveen, Kazimir, and Ezmerelda.   
How are you?   
How’s the temple of the Raven Queen? I’m not really used to all that formalized religion stuff - I mean we (druids I mean) have our own traditions and rituals but I think they may be a bit different? Or a lot different as the case may be. . . 

Anyways! I just wanted to say hello and say I was thinking about you!   
I hope you are doing well. ♥

Your friend,  
Aoife

~~~~~~~~~

Ezmerelda,

Hey!   
I hope you’re safe - I mean, I kinda doubt you’re doing safe activities because that’s not really your style, but I hope you are. . . physically safe? Mentally and emotionally safe would be good too, but some days that seems a lot to ask for.   
So yeah! I hope you are well! Hestia is missing you - I mean she doesn’t say that, but it’s obvious that she does.   
She’s keeping in contact though, so I’m sure you’ve heard all the latest about her. 

Take care!   
Your friend,  
Aoife

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a campaign of Curse of Strahd that has been heavily mixed with homebrew elements.


End file.
